Showing posts with label runway knitwear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label runway knitwear. Show all posts

Wednesday 10 July 2013

Miss Havisham's Nightgown and Other Knitting Fables


When people asked Marta where she came up with such design concepts, she just smiled and said that like all true artists, her sources of inspiration were many and varied: tangled present ribbons after present opening on Christmas morning; yarn after her cat had played with it; the few childhood Slinkys she had that always immediately got tangled; her hair if she forgot to use conditioner in the shower....





Elaine felt knitting should be pure art, above such paltry considerations as darning in ends or sewing side seams.





After Abby switched her major from English literature to clothing design, she put her literary studies to good use by using them as a source of inspiration, such as in her latest effort, which she called "Miss Havisham's Nightgown".





Sometimes Robin and her boyfriend John liked to indulge themselves in a little Robin Hood and Little John role play in a nearby forest. John had made them a rustic trailer as shelter for their time in the woods and Robin had made knitted green coats and feathered hats and bought tights for both of them. They'd thought their friend Marian, who was a history major and who loved Ren Faires, might like to join them for some swordplay, but when they asked she'd only sniffed and said their props weren't period accurate.





Jordan now knew that his high school counsellor had been full of it. After all, Jordan had carried out that guidance counsellor's advice to the letter. He'd followed his heart, found work he loved, and given his creative impulses free rein, and he was still bowed down by existential angst.





Portia had not been sure what one wore to compete in the Abominable Snowpeople's "Snow Princess" competition, but she really hoped she had come up with something appropriate, because it was her understanding that unsatisfactory Snow Princess contestants got eaten for breakfast, and she had some uneasy suspicions about what exactly was entailed in the winner's "prize".





Dominique was having one of those days when she just couldn't wait to show off her latest knitting project, her latest crochet project, her latest beading project, and the latest hair and makeup techniques she'd learned, all at once. Hey, it wasn't her fault she was so multi-talented.





Bianca was on a one-women mission to destroy all those old crocheting stereotypes. She was determined to show everyone that granny squares could be bad ass.





Shelley and Brian just had one of "those" marriages and they couldn't bear to be apart. Their wedding song was "Every Breath You Take" and they'd put a "love toilet" on their wedding registry (although they hadn't gotten one and had had to save up for one themselves). They liked to wear matching outfits, but that didn't seem to bring them close enough, so Shelley made them a real togetherness outfit out of pieces from several of their old sweaters.





"I have devised a strategy to make you take me back to the animal shelter so I can be adopted by someone who respects my dignity or at least isn't completely insane. It's called 'Operation Howl'."

Sunday 23 June 2013

Bobbles Gone Wild and Other Knitting Fables


Sometimes the members of the Crazy Cosy Crochet Club liked to appear out in public in their club uniforms.





Sue had spent so much money on her riding lessons that she felt she couldn't afford to buy riding jodhpurs and a riding jacket, so she made them out of the orange shag carpet she'd secretly salvaged in the dead of the night from a house on her street that had been condemned. She was so proud of the outfit she thought she'd also have a go at making her husband's hockey equipment using the old gas pipes and lathe and other things she'd ripped out of that house.





Since discovering she was one-thirty-second Cree, Paula had been one to celebrate her Native American heritage at every available opportunity. Her latest creation was a cloak that doubled as a wigwam that she could sleep in at night.





Blair had grown up watching her mother tuck tissues up the sleeves of her sweaters, and decided to play with that concept. Fashion, after all, was all about ramping up basic notions until they made a bold statement.





Willa also believed in the go bold or go home theory of design, and she decided to play with the concept of cowls. If one was good, eight or nine would be even better right? But she'd make them into skinny cowls to keep the look subtle, and pair them with trousers made out of ruched garbage bags so she didn't look like the kind of designer who relied on a single gimmick.





Karen's latest creation was intended as a costume piece for the host of a new crochet reality show tentatively titled Bobbles Gone Wild.





Chet had had the kind of mother who sent him off to school every morning with the words, "You're better than all those little losers in your class. Go get 'em, tiger!" Now, as a designer, he'd created an outfit that manifested the kind of confidence that had always given him.





Chet had also created an outfit for his fall collection that he considered the perfect around the house outfit for his mother: the sweater was in his mother's favourite hot pink, had one extra long sleeve for dusting and a hat that could double as a floor mop, featured an eye that looked like that of his old one-eyed teddy bear his mother had always said watched him for her whenever she wasn't around, and had camouflage pants in tribute of the day he'd told his mom he wanted to join the army and she'd said he wouldn't last a day of basic training before crying to come back home to her.





Stephen and Sara held each other close for the little time that was theirs, hoping for a day when others would understand their rash-inducing full bodysuit love.





Knit something great, and the world knits with you. Knit something terrifyingly strange, and the world backs away, slowly, and leaves you knitting alone.

Saturday 18 May 2013

Apocalyptic Casual Style and Other Knitting Fables


"Afghan patterns are too pretty to just sit on the couch, so I adapted one to make this great top! I think it's fantastic, especially with the gumball armband I made. What do you think? Hey, do you have any more LSD? I'm out."




Ramona felt her new Apocalyptic Casual line had turned out quite well.





Ever the thrifty mom, Lesia made herself a wrap out of her children's discard toys and yarn from their outgrown mittens. Now, she thought, she just had to figure out a way to upcycle her husband's holey socks.





Nadia combined mesh from her grocery shopping bags, upholstery fabric from her couch, tassels from all her cushions, and leftover paint from the guest room renovation to make a statement about who she really was: a miserably unhappy housewife who needed to lock up the liquor cabinet and put the fact that she'd once flunked out of design school behind her.





Kim made every effort to wear the latest in secretarial wear, and so far her boss's only comment had been, "Kim, your bra is showing. Please fasten your coat. No, I don't care if it is too warm in here for that, you should have worn something suited to a temperature-controlled environment." Kim decided she was jealous.





Lillian was just waiting for her hair to finish setting in the appropriate bouffant style before she went out in the world and strutted her stuff in her new crocheted ensemble.





Rocco soon learned that the first rule of Knitting & Fighting Club is that you don't use a stitch gauge.




Ever since he'd lost his job as an accountant, Richard had left his gray suits hanging in his closet and embarked on a quest to discover what his sartorial style really was.





Susana's grandma, besides being a former swimsuit model, had always been one not to waste anything, and when Susana inherited her grandmother's crocheted afghans, she thought the best way to honour her grandmother's memory was to put them to good use as a fetching bikini and coverup combo.





Christie had finally figured out how to stay warm and avoid any possibility of bruising during falls at the weekly Teen Fun Skate at the local rink. Now, she thought, she was already to go to the skate and meet some boys!


Coming up: Look for the Bergère de France Magazine #167 tomorrow morning.

Thursday 9 May 2013

Runway Knitwear Realness and Other Knitting Fables


Althea never let little matters like incorrect medicine dosages, drunken hairdressers, or not having finished her knitting projects on time stop her from serving up runway knitwear realness.





Cherrill figured she'd put together exactly the right look for her local PETA chapter's deer hunting protest this fall. There was no reason why an activist couldn't look cute and pulled together. Her cousin Jake kept going on about how it might be dangerous to be in the woods in such an outfit when there was hunting going on, but Cherrill ignored him. Jake could hardly expect any respect from her as long as he ate hot dogs, owned a leather jacket and hired an exterminator to murder the cockroaches in his house.





Sometimes Mai's friends wondered if she'd ever really get past not making the volleyball team in high school.





Arden wasn't quite sure how she'd gotten the stitch gauge measurement and the total garment length numbers so wrong, but decided that given that she'd simultaenously tried to cook a turkey at five degrees for 325 hours, she would avoid doing any domestic tasks the next time she was taking a magic mushroom trip.





Lois had heard that pets grow to resemble their owners, but to her disappointment, Mitzi hadn't. Lois, however, was a woman of determination and crochet skills and took the matter into her own hands. Next, she thought, she'd get Mitzi her own string of pearls.





Lilith really enjoyed making special mother and daughter outfits for all occasions. She felt she'd really outdone herself when it came to making dresses for her coven's Beltane celebration, and was miffed that her daughter Jadis was so disaffected and unappreciative of her efforts.





Elspeth was determined that that witch Lilith wasn't going to outshine her at her own Beltane celebration.





Jeannie had been so disappointed about the end of her figure skating days until she found a way to keep living the dream off the ice.





Daria looked for every opportunity to keep her hard-won Girl Scout knot-tying skills sharp.





Cinda had always disliked the way knitters tended to wear handknitted items that, though beautiful in themselves, didn't match, and she was determined that wasn't going to be the case with her. She figured she just needed to make a fair isle hat, gloves, and purse to round out her set and then she'd be good to go.

Thursday 25 April 2013

Knitting Fables

I've previously done a "knitting narratives post", for which I wrote fictional captions for various photos of knitting weirdness. It did quite well pageview count-wise, and so I have decided to start doing these knitting fable posts fairly regularly, say, twice a month. This may be my frustration over not getting to my novel-in-progress talking, and probably no one finds my captions as hilarious as I do, but I find them easy and a lot of fun to write. With knitwear this bizarre, the jokes write themselves.

Many of the pictures and captions below have already appeared on this blogs's Facebook page, but there are a couple of new ones. From now on I'll try to be sure that at least half the entries are new.





Chantal has always really gotten off on static cling: the flyaway hair, the crackly sounds, the slight electric charge, the feeling that her undies might be showing. She was sure she couldn't be the only person who felt that way, and her newest knitwear creation was designed to give the wearer that fresh-out-of-the-dryer, forgot-the-fabric-softener feeling.





Lola thought her knitted outfit needed just a little something more to jazz it up a bit, so she tied a legwarmer around her leg just above the knee. There, she thought, that was just what it wanted. Like her mother always said, a classic look does require a touch of the unexpected if it's not to look staid and boring.





Ginevra thought she'd come up with the perfect design for an après-ski outfit: a tensor bandage or cast from any ski injuries would fit right underneath, if she spilled a drink the mark would just blend in, and it complemented her husband's lederhosen.





Tarquin is a complicated man, and no one understands him but his knitwear designer, Bikram yoga instructor, and shadow puppet coach.





Dr. Void was proud of the way her knitting project had turned out. She'd made a sweater that looked polished and professional and that could double as a Rorschach inkblot test for her patients in her psychiatry practice.





Whenever one of the kids woke up crying in the night, Grace always put on her special face mask and Fred quickly donned his Insane Gopher Man costume before they went to their child's room. As they told their friends at Curling Club, one of the parenting how-to books they'd read had said that they could help their children lose their fear of nightmares by making reality even more terrifying.





Yvonne had hoped her new dress would do double duty for her position as High Priestess of Loki and for her job as a claims adjuster, but then the Bishop of her diocese told her The Book of Loki forbid the use of hot pink in ceremonial robes for any priestess above the rank of Semi-Exalted. These weekend role playing games could certainly get exacting but then, as Yvonne reminded herself, that was what she liked about them.





Morticia hoped her new spring dress wasn't too young or bright or pretty for her. Gomez had been enthralled and Thing had given her a thumb up, so she decided it would do.





Per her therapist's instructions, Suzette dutifully swathed herself in fabric from her mother's sewing room and afghans from the rec room couch, sat in the woods behind her family's house, and said to herself, "I am a princess. I am a princess. I am a princess," for two hours every day. But after two weeks, when her self-esteem didn't seem to be improving, she began to think her therapist was full of it. Maybe, Suzette thought, the way to feel better about herself was to dump her douchebag boyfriend, train to run a marathon, and begin working towards the career in medical research that she'd always wanted.





Annabella had learned years ago that any stitch gauge snafu could be compensated for if she just threw enough attitude and the right shades into the mix.





When Teoma found she didn't have the goods for slalom kayaking or roller sports, she decided the brand new Olympic sport of rope climbing and knitting would be her best bet of taking home the gold.





Twin sisters Aurora and Dawn had a knitting time ritual: Aurora would strum her ukelele while Dawn sang twelfth century chantefables and knitted. Unfortunately Dawn had only turned out ugly afghans so far, and Aurora was considering suggesting that they switch roles, but the subject had to be approached with care. Aurora remembered well what had happened the time she wanted to be the one who wore the fascinator.